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Monday, February 14, 2011

What right do I have?

I know one of the things I keep mentioning here and in person is how lucky I've been through this entire pregnancy. But I feel like I've been twice as lucky, since I have not only not had anything to complain about but also because, even if I did, I'd be very hesitant to say anything.

Such is another awkward situation on the pregnant-after-infertility tip: the reluctance to complain about something you've wished and struggled for. I've been very, very hesitant to say anything negative this whole time. I guess for a few reasons. Kind of a "beggars can't be choosers" mentality - if you're starving, do you have the right to complain about the food you're given? But also that, through the magic of the internet, I "know" a lot of strong, supportive, kind, and deserving women who haven't had this miracle happen yet. If your friends are also starving, when you get a meal you can't very well turn to them and say "Don't worry, it was way too salty." I feel a lot of guilt for any fleeting "wow, it would be awesome to not be pregnant for, like, a day" thought I have.

Now that I've hit the third trimester, things haven't gotten awful - don't worry! But I do feel a few things that make me say "Oh, that's what those women were talking about!" I still feel good, the baby is still by all accounts doing well, but I am starting to feel...unwieldy. Big and awkward and a little sore where things come together! Lots of having to get up to pee, and a whole lot of feeling like a turtle on its back when I try to get up. :) I have a bit of a waddle going on. Ask my husband to do his impression of me running last weekend for you sometime if you need a laugh! I went to see The Lion King as a Christmas gift from my mom with my mother, sister, and some awesome ladies. It was such a blast - but my feet got so swollen watching the show that I was completely taken aback. I wanted nothing more than to kick off my shoes and put my barking dogs up - but it wasn't a possibility in a theater (and I don't think the shoes would've gone back on easily if I tried!).

Oh, and I've gained 17 pounds total. Hmph.

This week my husband and I are visiting the earthy-crunchy birthing center at our local Baby Factory Hospital. Time to get serious about the actual labor preparations! Wish me luck.

And speaking of internet friends, I just heard today that one lost her twins at 18 weeks. My heart is breaking for her. Life is so unfair.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully said!! I know how very happy you are to finally be pregant, but I also know how your heart goes goes out to all your friends and acquaintances that are still struggling to share the same miracle. I'm sure they are thankful for your tactfulness and compassion. You are a special woman, Jill and I love you! Mom

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