Changes

There's a lot about April's newborn phase that I'm ashamed to admit. I am not sure if it was post-partum depression, but I definitely suspected it. My midwife suggested therapy but I didn't want to share my feelings with anyone. I had so much trouble admitting things weren't the fairy tale you start to believe they will be. I suspect it has something to do with infertility and our struggles to get here. There is for sure a "survivor's guilt" associated with finally getting pregnant and having a baby. The last thing I wanted was to seem ungrateful for my miracle.

But anyway, things were definitely not easy for a while. April had reflux and a really hard time with gas. I had some difficulty recovering from the c-section (and subsequent d&c after 8 weeks of bleeding). And with the shift Rob was working, I felt like I was alone most of the time. Some people reached out to spend time with us, but I hid what I was feeling. Honestly, I didn't feel as connected to her as I knew I should. Which created a guilt spiral where I just felt worse and worse.

I wanted to say all this not to be a bummer, but to reflect on how I am still in amazement over how things have changed in the past maybe four weeks. I'm sure part of it is me getting used to the new normal and feeling better physically. I started to learn what she liked, too. I would think April is the real reason, though. I absolutely adore this baby. In her third month, she started responding to us and the world in general. I could sit and watch her smile for hours (and do, it seems). My favorite thing in the whole world right now is when she "talks" to me. I never imagined loving a sound so much.

I don't really have a reference point with which to judge, but she seems like such a sweet and happy baby! We've been toting her around all kinds of places, and she is (for the most part) easy! She's been to all kinds of restaurants and parties in her three months. I am so grateful to have such an awesome girl. I'm truly lucky in countless ways these days.

She'll be three months old tomorrow. Happy quarter-birthday, April. I'm sorry for our rough start but can't wait to see how you continue to grow!

Nothing much!

(This picture is also from July 4th, but it's a rare one of April and me together!)
Be impressed I'm remembering to update! It's a Thursday night and April has been asleep for a bit. Rob's at work. And it's a million degrees! I'd still rather this than a foot of snow or freezing temperatures, but DAMN. My thermostat says 85 degrees in my living room at 10:30 at night!

This is the last week of my modified back-to-work schedule. I worked three days in the office and today from home, with tomorrow off. Next week, it's the real deal. It's been much smoother than I expected on the home front - thank goodness! So far, so good. Let me outline my new morning routine, because I'm proud of my organization!

I wake up at 5 AM. The first thing I do is take Layla and Mini (the dogs!) to the park. Then I feed them and take Spanky (the decrepit old dog) outside. I pack my lunch up and get washed and dressed. Then I pump to make a bottle for Rob to give April while I watch the news. I go in and feed her after that, super quietly and carefully so she stays asleep! I pack up my pump and head out by 6:15! I've been pumping three times a day in my office, something else that makes me feel really lucky. I have a door to shut and an understanding company!

I feel so much better of a mom with this time away, honestly. It was a little difficult to be April's pretty-much-sole caregiver 24/7. I know Rob is struggling a bit with sleep, since he gets home around 3:30 AM and April generally gets up around 9 AM. But I'm hopeful it will work out for a bit, at least until I feel more comfortable finding her a daycare or caregiver. I really miss Rob, though. He leaves for work 15-20 minutes after I get home. I am thankful to have him home for April during the day...but I do miss spending time with him.

April is doing great, though! She's going through some early teething, I think. She seems to be sitting up better and better each day. I just love her to pieces.

Back on the wagon!

I would love to get back into blogging and turn this into a "mommy" blog so I can look back on April's developments. The perfect time would be now, as I am going back to work! I have more time to sit and type this way, even if I leave the screen open and update a bit as I finish things here. So, here's an update!

Tomorrow April will be 11 weeks old. She's doing so great! I had a tough time adjusting with the physical issues I had and she developed (reflux and gas), but things are so, so much better. She is a joy. She's smiling like crazy! I can't get enough of those huge, toothless grins and laughs. She will chatter at us a bit and I love having a "conversation." Right now she's putting everything in her mouth and it's amazing to see how quickly her coordination develops. She also loves staring at her feet.

She's a great sleeper for the most part! Not much of a napper during the day but sleeps for a good 6-hour stretch and then will usually go back down for another 2-3 hours. Right now this is awesome, as Rob is on second shift and has her during the day. Since he gets home around 3-3:30, if she can sleep until 9, it's doable. I generally feed her while she sleeps before I leave for work at 6:15.

Mornings are a little hectic for me right now, but I'm learning! I take the dogs for a walk, feed them all, get myself ready, pump to make her morning bottle to leave for Rob, feed April, and pack the pump and my lunch. Whew! It means getting up at 5, but if I can get her in bed by midnight, I manage! That hasn't been a problem in the past few weeks,so fingers crossed it stays that way.

She's growing fantastically! At her one month appointment, she was 9 lbs, 12.5 oz. At her two month appointment, she was 11 lbs, 14 oz. She's in the 70% percentile for height and weight and was for both appointments. We also had SHOTS this appointment, which is heartbreaking for mama! Boy did she scream - the kind where they take a while to take a breath. But I stuck a boob in her mouth right after, and she was fine. She was kind of "off" for a few days, but we're back to normal!

Breastfeeding is going awesome, although I'm a little neurotic about the effects of going back to work. Hopefully the supply will keep up. I try to pump every 3 hours, so it's 3 times during the work day if I can. It's awkward, as my door is plywood and my pump sounds like a sick goose...but oh well! I need to get over sitting at my desk topless with the pump bottles stuck to me with this elastic band around my boobs (so I have my hands free).

We also had a wonderful 4th of July! April was such a good sport, since we dragged her to two parties on Saturday then two parties on Monday (plus the parade). She is such a good baby and handles being ported around and passed to different people really well. And she went in the pool!

I have 50 million pictures, but the ones here are her on the 4th. I promise to be better about keeping this blog up!