Never how I planned

I am still learning the lessons in humility and acceptance that have come with infertility and pregnancy complications. It's been difficult. I had a plan. We'd get pregnant after a month or two (see? I wasn't being unreasonable - I didn't expect it on the first try or anything! Ha!). I'd have an easy pregnancy. I would give birth unmedicated and on the baby's schedule. Not so much, as I should've learned by now! When I talk about the birth, people say to focus on the fact that we're both here and healthy. I know that's the important thing, I truly do, but I have mourned for the birth experience I wanted. But hey, I didn't have the conception experience I wanted, so maybe I should've known! :)

On April 26th, I had my 39 week appointment with the obstetrician. No more midwives for me with the hypertension! I had some mild contractions on a timeable basis during the weekend, but by that Tuesday they had stopped. I had previously measured at 1.5 cm dialation but didn't feel like the baby was in any hurry. It turns out, it wasn't, but my body wasn't handling the late stages of pregnancy well.

My blood pressure was higher than it had been even when I was hospitalized earlier in the month. Ironically, the doctor who saw me was the one who I hated as my gynecologist and caused me to leave the practice. I only went back because I wanted the Alternative Birthing Center, requiring a practice with several midwives. She had the same shitty bedside manner I remembered. :) I was told to get my ass immediately to the hospital. I even was told to bypass triage and tell them I was to get a labor room immediately.

So I ended up in Labor Room 5, the exact kind of impersonal, uncomfortable, highly "medical" labor room I had wanted to avoid. I was told I was to be confined to bed but could go to the bathroom myself if my blood pressure stabilized a bit. They started me on magnesium citrate, which is an awful, awful medication. I also started another medication to bring the blood pressure down, and pitocin to get the show on the road.

It really took a while to start feeling the contractions from the pitocin. I had probably been in the labor room for 5-6 hours at that time. The doctor broke my water that night and things started moving from there. So I learned that labor hurts! I was unable to do any of the positions I had studied to help with labor and powered through it confined to bed. One nice thing that happened was one of the midwives spent most of the night with us, helping me through the contractions. I felt like I could handle the pain enough to make this happen.

Until I made no progress in dialation after the entire night of contractions. It was the first time labor would make me feel more hopeless and inadequate than I ever had before. I broke and asked for the epidural at the advice of the nurse.

The relief was welcome! I was able to send Rob home to shower and take care of the dogs, since I was only at 3 cm and he had come to the doctor appointment right from a 12 hour shift. Poor guy was sleeping between my contractions all night. :)

When I was checked again after the morning, I was shocked to learn I was 9 cm and close to pushing time! My spirits lifted. Finally - to meet this baby! Rob wasn't back but was close, so at least I wasn't alone! My family were waiting downstairs and I felt like it couldn't be long!

Wrong again! I pushed for 3 hours. It turns out the baby wasn't quite in the right position - it was face-up (or, more pleasantly, "sunnyside up") and slightly askew. Although I was pushing well and apparently you could see the top of the crown, I wasn't making progress. I could see the nurses and doctors whispering and exchanging looks, so I knew it wasn't going well.

The doctor then gave me a choice: I could keep pushing, and maybe the baby would break free. But I would have to accept the possibility of an emergency c-section. In an emeregency section, the incision is vertical, causing all kinds of recovery problems and ruling out future vaginal deliveries. Or I could opt for a non-emergency c-section. This would give them time to prepare and do the bikini cut, a more forgiving incision and leaving open the possibility of avoiding a section with future children. The baby had never shown signs of distress, so I still had the choice.

What a choice. The thing I didn't want most out of this delivery was on the table...but was obviously the better choice for me and the baby.

So I ended up on the operating table in the most surreal experience, splayed out like on the cross on the other side of a big curtain. There were probably 10 people in the operating room (all very nice and comforting, at least). I was so exhausted and feeling the effects of the magnesium, which was trippy and caused eye issues.

But a happy ending! They asked Rob to tell us all what the baby was. I'll never forget his reaction: happy crying as he said "It's a beautiful baby girl."

April Lynn was born at 5:02 PM on April 27, 2011. She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 21 inches long. Her cry was strong and beautiful. The only ill effects of the ordeal were a serious friction burn on her forehead (which is still healing) and a low body temperature due to the magnesium.

It's torture to not be able to see her as they checked her out and Rob cut the cord. It's so strange to feel them pulling and tugging behind the curtain. But she was here! I was able to talk to everyone and get the updates. She then went upstairs with Rob while I was stitched up.

So that was it, really! We were able to both do skin-to-skin with her in the recovery room, and I was able to try nursing for the first time. They extended visiting time a bit for my family to be able to visit in our new room upstairs for a bit. It was magical to see everyone's reactions. :)

We spent 4 days in the hospital before heading on on May 1st. The next chapter of our lives had started!